Get Rid Of The Checklist!

[BecauseImHorny]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to orgasm in every sexual encounter. In fact, more people should. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a real good time leading up to that orgasm. We all should know ourselves enough to know what we like, want and don't want in a sexual encounter. We all should practice healthy communication and negotiation, both in and out of the bedroom. And we ALL should embrace the INCREDIBLE power of the word, "No".


And in fact, we all come into each sexual encounter with our own sets of kinks, flavors and fantasies. As long as it's between two or more consenting adults and no one is getting harmed, there's nothing wrong with any of it. But damn! Does every encounter have to come with a laundry list of kinks, flavors and fantasies that MUST be 100% realized for us to be satisfied?


And if we do enter a sexual encounter with a pages long check list of things we MUST do in order to get off, I wonder how many of those pages are devoted to the other person(s) in the room? How many checkboxes are devoted to listening to their wants and desires, trying our best to fulfill those wants and desires, and actively listening and doing in the moment so we're getting our partner(s) off as well?


And if we are firmly on the "I am ONLY here to serve" side of the spectrum, again I wonder how many of those checkboxes are devoted to asking what the other person wants, listening to what they want, and then doing what they want? I cannot tell you the number of men I've encountered over the decades who SWEAR up and down all they want to do is serve. But when the blessed hour arrives for them to serve, suddenly I'm swept up completely against my will into THEIR fantasy of what THEY want to do. Their "I am only here to serve" attitude is only if that service matches their already pre-set fantasy of what that should look like and not about the other person at all.


And that's really what the crux of this rant is about. Selfishness. And how much of our selfishness we bring into our sexual encounters. To be sure, if the pre negotiated terms of you and the other person(s) agreement is that this encounter is ONLY about you and your needs, then fine. If not, you're truly only using the other person as a warm body and/or hole to masturbate onto/into. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than just a sleeve.


I really don't want to come off as a prude. Because I'm not. Like most, I have my own set of kinks, flavors and fantasies. And I've lived long enough and experienced enough to have had a good many of those realized over the years. There are still a few that are not yet realized, and that's okay. Maybe someday with the right person(s) I'll get lucky and it'll happen.


But nowadays I’m not as much interested in checking off boxes as I am about creating something organic. I’m MUCH more interested in how we can fuck in the moment instead of fucking with a checklist. Communication is key. I’d rather be spontaneous and see where the moment takes us than be limited by a checklist. Kinks, flavors and fantasies can for sure be incorporated into play. But nowadays I’d rather those very specific things be a welcome part of the meal instead of the whole damn buffet. Just sayin’.


Tl;dr: Want a fuckbuddy for life? Get rid of the checklist and let's go from there.

 

[chrisrobin]

Never had a checklist and thankfully only one time did a guy not understand no. Sexual encounters are abut two naked bodies touching and being thrilled leading to a grand climax which could be anal, oral or frotting, as long as that one bridge is crossed then that's satisfaction.

 

[thongboy]

Never had a checklist and thankfully only one time did a guy not understand no. Sexual encounters are abut two naked bodies touching and being thrilled leading to a grand climax which could be anal, oral or frotting, as long as that one bridge is crossed then that's satisfaction.

And a lot of the time, allowing for spontaneity is part of the fun

 

[ILoveGames48]

Having a orgasm every time have sex isn’t very common..

It was kind of funny at work one night few years ago.. the guys would be talking about having and orgasm all over a woman’s face ..


I’d tell them that’s not an orgasm that just getting off / ejaculating

 

[dave in oz]

Two things and probably not really on point but firstly I love someone who tells me what they want in the bedroom and I do the same.

If someone wants me to go deeper, suck harder, swallow then tell me what you want and I'll do what I can to get you off hard and strong and I need you to be ok with me doing the same.

Which leads me to my second one. I was with a guy for 2 years. I came out late and he was my first serious partner and he knew that. He was very experienced and had been in the scene for years and years.

We ended up moving in after 6 months and by 2 years we went overseas together and broke up while we there. Big drunk night, greek island, outdoor nightclub having a great time and he just looked at me drunk and told me he may as well be having sex with a woman because it would be just as satisfying as I was.

We did everything except fuck, we both usually came hard and I thought he enjoyed it.

Like I said really new, anal was still kind of weird and awkward for me and I wasn't even sure I was into it at that point. I assumed he was not into it cause he never talked about it and never indicated he wanted me to.
He just vaguely resented me for 2 years because of it, apparently.

Anyway - first time I have actually told anyone about that, I carried round a lot of shame from that for a long time for some reason and even years later when I think about it, it seemed like such a cunty thing to do in a relationship for 2 years.

But I'm a happy chappy these days and very content...thx for reading!

 

[Andrej_u]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to orgasm in every sexual encounter. In fact, more people should. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a real good time leading up to that orgasm. We all should know ourselves enough to know what we like, want and don't want in a sexual encounter. We all should practice healthy communication and negotiation, both in and out of the bedroom. And we ALL should embrace the INCREDIBLE power of the word, "No".


And in fact, we all come into each sexual encounter with our own sets of kinks, flavors and fantasies. As long as it's between two or more consenting adults and no one is getting harmed, there's nothing wrong with any of it. But damn! Does every encounter have to come with a laundry list of kinks, flavors and fantasies that MUST be 100% realized for us to be satisfied?


And if we do enter a sexual encounter with a pages long check list of things we MUST do in order to get off, I wonder how many of those pages are devoted to the other person(s) in the room? How many checkboxes are devoted to listening to their wants and desires, trying our best to fulfill those wants and desires, and actively listening and doing in the moment so we're getting our partner(s) off as well?


And if we are firmly on the "I am ONLY here to serve" side of the spectrum, again I wonder how many of those checkboxes are devoted to asking what the other person wants, listening to what they want, and then doing what they want? I cannot tell you the number of men I've encountered over the decades who SWEAR up and down all they want to do is serve. But when the blessed hour arrives for them to serve, suddenly I'm swept up completely against my will into THEIR fantasy of what THEY want to do. Their "I am only here to serve" attitude is only if that service matches their already pre-set fantasy of what that should look like and not about the other person at all.


And that's really what the crux of this rant is about. Selfishness. And how much of our selfishness we bring into our sexual encounters. To be sure, if the pre negotiated terms of you and the other person(s) agreement is that this encounter is ONLY about you and your needs, then fine. If not, you're truly only using the other person as a warm body and/or hole to masturbate onto/into. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than just a sleeve.


I really don't want to come off as a prude. Because I'm not. Like most, I have my own set of kinks, flavors and fantasies. And I've lived long enough and experienced enough to have had a good many of those realized over the years. There are still a few that are not yet realized, and that's okay. Maybe someday with the right person(s) I'll get lucky and it'll happen.


But nowadays I’m not as much interested in checking off boxes as I am about creating something organic. I’m MUCH more interested in how we can fuck in the moment instead of fucking with a checklist. Communication is key. I’d rather be spontaneous and see where the moment takes us than be limited by a checklist. Kinks, flavors and fantasies can for sure be incorporated into play. But nowadays I’d rather those very specific things be a welcome part of the meal instead of the whole damn buffet. Just sayin’.


Tl;dr: Want a fuckbuddy for life? Get rid of the checklist and let's go from there.

It’s a very interesting post, but there are 2 things I want to say:
1) you complain about checklists and ask for people to communicate more, but I think that a list is a great way to start the communication. Of course, it fails if the list is rigid, but if it’s not… cheers to the checklists as sexual communication openers!
2) it’s fair to want to cum at every sexual encounter, just as much as it is fair to not care about cumming. I’ve met countless bottoms who were relieved that I didn’t ask them to “perform” an orgasm for me after sex, as I always tell them: if you feel like cumming, I’m here to help and support. If you don’t care about cumming… totally your choice.
And as a top, I’ve had amazing fucks where I didn’t cum, or only the bottom came. Diversity in sex includes diversity on the importance of orgasm for people too.

 

[DizzyPunch]

There has to be some semblance of a standard, though.

 

[Acratopotes]

Fortunately , I have not had the experience of someone with a checklist. But the point about communicating and being flexible about pleasing your partner seems obvious - surely that is the point of most sex? If you just want to please yourself and enjoy the orgasm at the end then have a wank.

 

[halcyondays]

So what you're saying is that you want a lifetime exclusive relationship?

 

[Hannes084]

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to even find another person who is either willing to try , let alone into fetishes? Fetishes are not just "checklists", they're things that turn us on and having sex without them is not (at least for me) pleasurable. The amount of times I've had to BEG for someone to not shower right before they come over and being turned down for this reason is so tiring. I don't like the smell of soap on a man when we're having sex. I want his scent on me. This isn't even a rare fetish to have. As for having an orgasm, this is an extremely sensitive discussion. I personally cannot do it unless I'm dating that person or my eyes are tied. It is a deeper, psychological issue and there are less than 5 people who I have been able to relax with enough to reach orgasm. No set of rules or discussion can change that.

But also, if the other person gets nothing out of me rubbing my face against their sweaty balls and worshipping every inch of their body, then I get nothing out of it either. Plain nudity just does not turn everyone on. Live and let live.

 

[Andrej_u]

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to even find another person who is either willing to try , let alone into fetishes? Fetishes are not just "checklists", they're things that turn us on and having sex without them is not (at least for me) pleasurable. The amount of times I've had to BEG for someone to not shower right before they come over and being turned down for this reason is so tiring. I don't like the smell of soap on a man when we're having sex. I want his scent on me. This isn't even a rare fetish to have. As for having an orgasm, this is an extremely sensitive discussion. I personally cannot do it unless I'm dating that person or my eyes are tied. It is a deeper, psychological issue and there are less than 5 people who I have been able to relax with enough to reach orgasm. No set of rules or discussion can change that.

But also, if the other person gets nothing out of me rubbing my face against their sweaty balls and worshipping every inch of their body, then I get nothing out of it either. Plain nudity just does not turn everyone on. Live and let live.

You shouldn’t beg for people to not shower before coming to your place. You should just find someone who doesn’t mind not showering, or even likes the idea.

Your preference is perfectly valid, but it’s just as valid as me feeling uncomfortable if I’m not showered. I’ve been begged a lot of times to not shower before a sex date and… why don’t you just find someone who shares your same preference, if as you say it’s not a rare fetish?

 

[opinionman]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to orgasm in every sexual encounter. In fact, more people should. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a real good time leading up to that orgasm. We all should know ourselves enough to know what we like, want and don't want in a sexual encounter. We all should practice healthy communication and negotiation, both in and out of the bedroom. And we ALL should embrace the INCREDIBLE power of the word, "No".


And in fact, we all come into each sexual encounter with our own sets of kinks, flavors and fantasies. As long as it's between two or more consenting adults and no one is getting harmed, there's nothing wrong with any of it. But damn! Does every encounter have to come with a laundry list of kinks, flavors and fantasies that MUST be 100% realized for us to be satisfied?


And if we do enter a sexual encounter with a pages long check list of things we MUST do in order to get off, I wonder how many of those pages are devoted to the other person(s) in the room? How many checkboxes are devoted to listening to their wants and desires, trying our best to fulfill those wants and desires, and actively listening and doing in the moment so we're getting our partner(s) off as well?


And if we are firmly on the "I am ONLY here to serve" side of the spectrum, again I wonder how many of those checkboxes are devoted to asking what the other person wants, listening to what they want, and then doing what they want? I cannot tell you the number of men I've encountered over the decades who SWEAR up and down all they want to do is serve. But when the blessed hour arrives for them to serve, suddenly I'm swept up completely against my will into THEIR fantasy of what THEY want to do. Their "I am only here to serve" attitude is only if that service matches their already pre-set fantasy of what that should look like and not about the other person at all.


And that's really what the crux of this rant is about. Selfishness. And how much of our selfishness we bring into our sexual encounters. To be sure, if the pre negotiated terms of you and the other person(s) agreement is that this encounter is ONLY about you and your needs, then fine. If not, you're truly only using the other person as a warm body and/or hole to masturbate onto/into. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than just a sleeve.


I really don't want to come off as a prude. Because I'm not. Like most, I have my own set of kinks, flavors and fantasies. And I've lived long enough and experienced enough to have had a good many of those realized over the years. There are still a few that are not yet realized, and that's okay. Maybe someday with the right person(s) I'll get lucky and it'll happen.


But nowadays I’m not as much interested in checking off boxes as I am about creating something organic. I’m MUCH more interested in how we can fuck in the moment instead of fucking with a checklist. Communication is key. I’d rather be spontaneous and see where the moment takes us than be limited by a checklist. Kinks, flavors and fantasies can for sure be incorporated into play. But nowadays I’d rather those very specific things be a welcome part of the meal instead of the whole damn buffet. Just sayin’.


Tl;dr: Want a fuckbuddy for life? Get rid of the checklist and let's go from there.

Things is... I keep an ACTUAL checklist during sex: it's a standard yellow pad but in the smaller size. As various "activities" take place between me and my wife, I check them off and yell, "That's another one, honey! Keep it up!" She just smiles. It really turns her on cuz she's a woman who likes everything planned and organized, so she loves a good list. Kinda makes her wet, if you know what I mean, especially if I print.